“I like beer…it makes me a jolly good fellow…I like beer….” Oh, wait, I mean: “The other day…I saw a bear…I saw a bear…a-way up there….” No, darn it, that’s not it either. Hmmmm. Darn good thing there’s no audio on this blog.

Political question of the day: why was swine flu just breaking into the news at the same time Democrats were talking about “pigs flying”? Food for thought.

So, what the heck is this swine flu and why is everyone panicking over it? Is it worse than regular flu? See, 30-some thousand folks in the US die every year from the usual kinds of flu – typically those who are very young, very old, very poor, or who have some other major health issues.

We don’t hear so much about those deaths. Probably because they are considered “normal” – normal being the natural course of events.

Flu is a respiratory ailment, and those pesky pharmaceutical companies advertise us into a coma-like state, frightening everyone into getting their flu shots. Of course they do, they make the big bucks after all. Like all their other ads which, don’t get me started, convince every single person that they or someone they know has a particular illness or disease that MUST and CAN be cured.

Ever listen to/read all those side-effects? Heck, I’d rather just deal with the original sickness/disorder.

Back to the swine flu – do you know why everyone freaked out? ‘Cause there is/was no vaccine. Yep, no shot to make the boogie man go away. Never mind that most folks who did contract swine flu (under 300 in the US, at last count, out of over three HUNDRED MILLION population) were all better in just a few days. I’ve had regular flu that knocked me out for two weeks. Puh-lease.

Furthermore, I understand that anti-viral drugs do indeed work to alleviate swine flu symptoms, just like with regular flu. So why panic?

Why close down entire school districts because one child or maybe a few kids contracted swine flu – or regular flu? After all, some of these tests haven’t been completed. Guess what? Kids are still going to “forget” to wash their hands, pick their noses, and sneeze on each other. Facts of life.

One school district in Michigan closed down all campuses, affecting 19,000 kids (and their parents), because one girl – or .00005% of the student body – “may” have swine flu; she was allegedly in “close contact” with a friend who had visited Mexico. Talk about overreaction.

Thankfully, they’ll all be going back on Wednesday after the buildings have been disinfected – even though the CDC says that swine flu is airborne and doesn’t live outside the body for longer than a few hours.

So, we can’t panic unless we’re seriously discomfited, discombobulated, and distracted – so let’s announce shortages of gloves, masks, other assorted supplies, and by all means, cancel/reschedule/cancel again/reschedule again all extracurricular activities, all classroom activities, put sanitizer bottles on altars along with the bread and the wine, and do other assorted asinine activities so we can all feel better. Right?

The difference between now and 1918 is that there ARE drugs which fight the flu – any kind, really – and that Americans’ access to healthcare is much, much better. Why have a national shutdown? Why, indeed.

To appease the pharmaceutical giants, big business, to freak out the average Joe Schmo and convince him that HE WILL DIE unless he invests in a medicine cabinet worthy of an ER. Yes, and also probably to avoid any future lawsuits, the kind perpetrated by individuals who can’t manage to be responsible for themselves and are always out to make a quick buck.

And, um, I was kidding about the sex….