I was so tired today, I conked out on the couch for a couple hours while reading and almost decided just to stay there til morning….
That happens, though, especially when you can’t sleep at night for whatever reason, or because you’re lying awake thinking, or have horrible nightmares that make you wish you still slept with a nightlight.
It’s not so much that I’m doing more, although I guess that’s true. I’m certainly worrying more, and sometimes that is as strenuous as physical labor. Not discounting the fallen trees I had to saw apart, and mosquito banquet that I became in the midst of that adventure…. Or the lawn-mowing and shrub-trimming. Not to mention spending the first week or so taking care of my husband’s daily needs, and making sure he took his meds and ate healthy stuff – no small feat, this last!
But he’s on the mend now, using handweights, started to walk farther than chair to bed to couch to table, helping out a bit here and there; yesterday we did a little grocery shopping, today we walked around the mall for an hour or so. Every day gets better, and his body is healing very well.
He has, however, “forgotten” to talk make the appointment for his first scans. And he’s fallen off the healthy eating wagon, just a bit. But I still have another week to get him in shape for his return to work. Unfortunately, I think he believes he’ll be able to start off with a bang, go in at 6:00 a.m., unload a truck, and work 10-hour days. Right.
I feel more like I’m carrying the whole load – and I try to avoid making him worry, like I did before too, a little. Sometimes, before, I felt like this as well, but I could always talk to him about it and ask for help. Now, not so much. I’m thinking there could be a lot of this “before” and “now” stuff too.
This, like everything else we’ve dealt with over the years, will some day go away; in the meantime, we just keep muddling along. Things seem to improve daily, and that’s a blessing in itself.