Do you know what it’s like to have your own child accuse you of saying and doing things you never imagined saying or doing? Do you know what it’s like to have your family believe him? Or to have the state “investigate”, determine that you didn’t say or do these things, but still dictate that you need “services”?
Do you know what it’s like to decline those services, make decisions in the best interest of the child, and continue to struggle with his issues, all the while hearing that “there’s nothing wrong with him”? Do you know what it’s like to have the state take him away, because they decided he’s a truthful child, in need of protection from you, and put him in a place where he’s allowed to mostly do whatever he wants, choose when and where he visits, spend all his money, get fired from jobs, skip classes, lie, make excuses, and generally continue his bad behavior?
Do you know what it’s like when these same people tell you that you really aren’t a bad parent, but you’re doing things completely wrong? Then tell you that they have absolutely no ideas as to how you can do things differently? And, at the same time, tell you that you haven’t been doing anything wrong?
Do you know what it’s like when, after all of these months and months of dealing with everyone and trying to do whatever it takes, you are told that your child does indeed have “something” wrong? Do you know what it’s like to have all those people who thought he could do no wrong suddenly begin to see the light?
Do you know what it’s like to have friends and family ask him, “Aw, hon, what’s wrong?” but never ask how you and the rest of the family are handling all his drama? Do you know what it’s like to have your kid tell you that you’re crazy, you lie, you cause trouble, and he doesn’t want to be around you? But he still wants you to provide everything under the sun for him and do everything for him.
Do you know what it’s like to have him constantly lie to you and about you and continuously badger you to get his way? And to blame you for all his mistakes, poor judgments, and to deny all his lies? Repeatedly?
And, finally, do you know what it’s like to wait for phone calls that never come, to wait for an “expedited” hearing, to wait for somebody to do something, to wonder why, when he violates probation, no one can or will do anything? Do you know what it’s like to have an “emergency” meeting scheduled – in one week – to decide what to do? Funny how the state can take your child immediately, with no investigation, but it takes seven days or longer to protect your family.
“Family Services”. Right. The state doesn’t care about the family, they only care about “protecting” kids who don’t need it, at the expense of the family; they only care about numbers and dollars, and try to delude themselves that the family is at fault. When that clearly isn’t the case, there is no apology, no help, and no concern whatsoever.
i do know what its like to be a sibling to the “child” and not be able to help him. wishing it would stop and wondering what the parents could possibly be thinking.
you arent always right in what you are doing and maybe you should stop before this gets too far out of hand (like it already hasnt…)
What exactly are we supposed to stop? His behavior? That is his responsibility alone.
Do I know what it’s like to have the county step in and destroy your life? Yes. Do I know what it’s like after 7 months of jumping through hoops to be exonerated? Yes. It’s an ugly system and I do know what it’s like.
I’m so sorry, Ann. It’s hell.