So today I got a packet in the mail, addressed to me, and on the envelope it said “You have been invited to attend….” I opened it, suspecting right off the bat that it was some kind of scam, and this is what I read in the accompanying letter:
“Dear Ms. Tidwell,
It is our great pleasure to invite your child….”
Wait, my CHILD? But it said I was invited – and it was addressed to me. Oh – and which “child” were they talking about anyway? So I kept reading.
“…college-bound students….” Hmm. Likely the seventeen-year-old, since he’s closest in age to “college-bound”. Of course, he dropped out of college a year or so ago.
“Your child will earn up to 2 College Credits (sic)….” And “…if you enroll on or prior to November 20, 2010, your child will receive a FREE COLLEGE CREDIT!” Really? I thought those had to be earned? Hey, maybe if *I* go, I can get a few credits towards that blanket-blank algebra class! Cool!
I still don’t know which child this is about, so I go back to the top and start reading again.
Okay, it sure can’t be the seventeen-year-old. The letter says: “Their (sic) selection is in recognition of their academic achievement, involvement in extracurricular activities and unlimited potential.”
Um, does “academic achievement” mean a GPA probably below 2.5, tops, and expulsion? Does “involvement in extracurricular activities” include vandalism and violence? Maybe “unlimited potential” means that he’ll graduate from a juvenile record to an adult one? ‘Tis perplexing.
This just gets better:
The cost ranges from $1600 to $3000. Wow. What an opportunity! I can buy my kid some college for around $1000 per credit hour! Woohoo!
But back to the envelope itself:
“Your certificate of recognition is enclosed.” Oh, goody! NOW I’ll know which child we’re talking about!
I look through the mess on my desk – yep, here it is!
“Child of Robin Tidwell”
Oh. Bummer. Guess that one won’t go in anyone’s scrapbook!