I don’t normally write these off-the-cuff, I spend a few minutes at least thinking about my posts and I correct as I go, but this was too good to pass up. And, in the spirit of Prep Monday, I’ll start with saying the number one thing for SHTF is this:

Don’t be stupid.

That said, allow me to relay an email exchange I had the other day with an idiotic spammer:

First, “Mike Brewer” emailed me, via my author page email:

Business Proposal

I am aware that this is an unconventional way of relaying an important message such as this. I did try without success to locate both your contact address
or phone/fax number and as such, I resorted in contacting you via email. I am Mike Brewer, An investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich
at their offshore department.

I will be happy to work this deal out with you if you have a corporate or personal Bank Account and if you are capable to keep TOP SECRET. During one
of our periodic auditing I discovered a dormant accounts with holding balance of US$42,759,000.00 {Forty Two Million seven hundred an fifty Nine Thousand   Dollars only}. If you are not familiar with Swiss Dormant Accounts and profile, please take a moment of your very busy schedules to read about Swiss dormant  accounts: website;www.crt-ii.org/2001_list/publication_list1_A.phtm

I am constrained to issue more details about this business until your response is received. If you know that you are capable to handle large or small amount
on trust and can keep secret and ready to take 40% of any amount I transfer to your account from the dormant accounts and I will take 60%, then get back
to me immediately with your details by return mail at<brewer.mike75@yahoo.com> tell me more about yourself, while I look forward to receive the above
information.

I want to re-assure you that this business is risk free and you can send an empty account to receive the funds, provided that the account is capable to receive incoming funds, the transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect us from any breach of the law. Send also your private mobile phone number where I can reach you now.

Thank you for your time and attention.
Warmest regards,
Mike Brewer
Co-Chief Executive Officer of the UBS Investment Bank.

I get so tired of this crap, and I emailed him back:

Dear Mike,

For someone with an American name, your English is deplorable. I wouldn’t trust you with two cents.

Go hawk your BS to someone else.

And this morning, I received this:

I received your mail, and I want to assure you that there will never be any thing like problem in this  business either now or in future, I am not doing this business because of the large amount that is involve rather I am doing it because it’s safe for you and me and for our both families hence even generations yet unborn will benefits from it, moreover, be sure that I am going to get all legal documents concerned to the fund to make our claim a legal one, and with all the documents I am going to secure  even a year old child can inherit without raising any question. It is my wish to conclude this business with you in full trust and confidence and to establish a strong  long lasting business relationship with you  because all arrangement that will ensure a smooth transfer of the fund to the  account which you are to note is already in place and all I need from you is your full cooperation to act  and receive the fund in your account as the next of kin to the fund with all the documents I will secure  here on your behalf.

The preferred method I am offering you and which suits this project best and which I bore in mind from the beginning, is for us to go ahead with demanding for the funds from its present custodian Bank in UK by submitting an Application with your Bank account details for the release payment on your favor and providing the needed documentations, approval and authorizations for the fund to be paid to us. We will be doing so, presuming you to be the next of king and successor in title to the deceased owner of the funds.  Once we do this, the custodian Bank will have no choice than to release and pay the funds as per your instruction, once we provide all the legal documentations they may require which I have plans on how to secure. What is important now is for us to get Approval of the fund on your name.

So you should send any your  Bank account information for us to start the transfer process and also send your complete  telephone number for easy communications. So send me the following information.

1. Your Bank account information were you will like the fund to transfer to:
State your account information as follow:
Your Bank name:
Your Bank Address:
Your Account Name:
Your Account Number:
Swift Code/Returning No: IF ANY
2. Your Full personal and company Name, Home and Office address
3. Any copy of your identifications
4. Your complete telephone and fax numbers
5. Your Full Name and Occupation.
 
On receipt of the above information and a strong assurance from you I will then start to process the transfer to your account without any delay and I will tell you the next setp to follow.
 
I wait for your responds. You can call me at: 44703 597 2390.

Mike

OMG – do people really fall for this junk? Even if you aren’t a grammar geek, surely ANYONE with a brain, who is capable of receiving email, would realize this is nuts. Right? Or not, since these guys keep on keeping on with it…

Another favorite of mine was last week. “Mike,” or one of his buddies, emailed the store to ask if we shipped to the Phillippines because he wanted to place an order. THEN he asked for our website addy. Well, first, he was already there, in order to email through our stock inquiry form, and second, if he doesn’t know what our business is, then what the heck does he want to order??

Moron.

Who are some of your favorite spammers? Oh, and I intend to email “Mike” again. I’ll let you know what happens!