Yes, I took a vacation. Kinda/sorta. Which is why I’ve been AWOL. Go on, admit it–you missed me, right? Anyway, for your reading pleasure:
To save time, I’m going to tell you, up front, that I haven’t worked “for” anyone for about 18 years—unless you count about two weeks at a law office, and no, I wasn’t fired but I was shuffled around various offices when a computer was available, and I drew the line and writing a six-year-old’s thank-you notes; not what I signed on for. Wow, does time fly, or what? Had no idea it had been that long. Anyway, it’s not that I haven’t worked at all; in fact, I’ve been pretty darn busy running businesses and yes, taking care of the family (you know, all the daily grind stuff that no one usually talks about in an interview but that keeps you busy 24/7):
Cleaning service, residential and commercial
Antique photo studio
Publishing house (this is current but, as anyone in the book business knows, isn’t going to pay all the bills)
While I was doing all these things, at different times and in three different states, I also finished my college degree (60 hours in just over one calendar year, 3.75 GPA—and it would have been higher except for that algebra class they insisted I take; psychology, sociology, and criminal justice).
Before that (in other words, over 18 years ago), I worked more than a few jobs:
School bus driver
Food court restaurant assistant manager
Amway (does this even count?)
Bowling alley snack bar
Fast food salad prep—another two-weeker. Yuck.
Pizza place manager
Home health aide
Employment agency manager
Telemarketing sales manager
Op-Ed and non-fiction writer
Pretty sure I’m missing a couple, but you get the general idea. And, I might add, I remember every single thing about doing those jobs. Well, okay—honesty, right? Let’s say “most.”
I could also list my “strengths” and my “weaknesses,” but if you’ve read this far and have any interest whatsoever in hiring me, you’ll call or email and we can cover it then. As long as I’m bragging and all, I’ll tell you that I’m smart, organized, have great ideas, and get things done. And I have a great memory.
Guess I should throw in my volunteer work too: I’ve held every position in Girl Scouts, troop leader, cookie chair, delegate, trainer, etc. I’ve done church work for years—picnic chair, council, board chair, VBS, altar guild, Sunday school, and more. I spent years on the volunteer end of Thrivent Financial, raising and distributing funds to charity groups and non-profits. I’m currently on the Creve Coeur Days board, gearing up for the carnival next week—you should stop by!
Anyway, here’s the catch: I’m pretty set in my ways and all, so if you were to hire me, there would have to be conditions—just remember, I’m flexible. To a point. This is what I’m looking for:
Arriving at a reasonable hour. I’m not lazy, I generally get up around 5:30 a.m. and work on promo and marketing for my business, make my daily list, go through email, and catch up on the news. I blog, I write, I edit, and usually finish up around noon. Lest you think I’m finished, I also work from 4:00 p.m. until around 7:00. When would I work for you? Well, I’m at my best in the morning, but not really sociable until say, 9:00 a.m. Nine-ish is even better—I’m not fond of the whole clock-in-to-the-minute idea.
Staying until a reasonable hour. Now, I realize that your idea of “reasonable” and mine may differ, but I’m looking for something until around noon. Or even 1:00 p.m. Two o’clock is my limit, due to school pickup and such, which of course won’t be until August. But I like to be consistent. And I do have my own work.
- I won’t do nights. No, get some young kid who’s single and has no one to come home to except his cat. I’ve paid my dues, it’s someone else’s turn.
Weekends and holidays? See the paragraph above. Not gonna happen.
Clocking out for breaks and/or no breaks. Ditto. I’m not unreasonable, I get that there are rules—but if I can avoid this, so much the better. I’m pretty laid back, but I get the work done. If I want a cup of coffee, I don’t see this as an issue. I also smoke. E-cigs, so don’t get uptight.
- Yes, you have to pay me. Here’s that word again: reasonable. I won’t work for less than $15 an hour. Okay, $12. $10? Maybe. Depends on the job. Hey, I have bills to pay, remember? I have a college degree, I’m probably several decades older than you, the boss, or at least close to that. Don’t treat me like a 20-something.
And finally, what can I do for you? Better yet, what am I willing to do (if you haven’t figured it out, I might be a little particular)?
I can write, proofread, edit, design, organize, throw a party or plan an event. I can use Excel, Word, PowerPoint, etc., etc. I’m not afraid to try something, to think outside the box, to take a chance—a calculated chance. I can cook, train, mingle with all sorts of people, teach countless skills, sell almost any product. I can follow directions, and I will, unless I see a better way; in that case, I’ll tell you and we’ll go from there.
Sure, there are things that I won’t do. And I won’t compromise my beliefs or values. I’m pretty direct, and I can’t stand people being wishy-washy—although I’ve been known to fail my own standards from time to time. I set the bar pretty high, but not just for others—for myself too. Probably my own worst enemy. If I have 20 things on a to-do list and only accomplish 18, it’ll bug me all night. If I fail to do something that I said I would do, that bothers me too and I do whatever I can to correct it.
There you have it, all laid out, nice and neat. Since this is the Internet, and I’m not putting my phone number out there for all the crazies, you can email me: email@example.com.