Dear Powers-that-be-at-all-US-institutions-of-higher-learning:

I do not need to take College Algebra.

That is all.

No, wait, that’s not all. And here’s why:

From kindergarten through eighth grade, I listened and learned in math class. Notice, please, that I said “math” and not “algebra”, although I suspect that a little algebra was snuck in when we weren’t paying attention.

Then I went to high school. Only ONE math credit was required back then and yes, in spite of “losing” my homework on more than one occasion prior to that year, I will brag that I was bumped up to the “advanced” class within a week.

My sophomore year, in order to please dear old Dad, I signed up for geometry. No big deal. Then, for reasons yet unknown and unexplored, in my junior year I took algebra with trigonometry. Ugh. Blech.

At any rate, I graduated high school with two extra credits of math. Surely I should get a waiver for college algebra, based on this alone. Right??

You do understand that I picked my first college partly because there was NO math requirement for my particular degree, right?

Yes, yes, I dropped out; and went back some ten years later…and attended a few other institutions. Well, okay, I was ENROLLED at a couple of them; can’t quite remember how much I actually attended, ya know?

Now, I’m sure that if I had taken college algebra right out of high school I’d remember enough to get by; however, in all these years since graduation, um, almost 30, I haven’t ONE SINGLE TIME had to figure out an algebraic equation OR remember a formula.

As an aside, my husband would argue with that – he insists that ALL math is algebra, but of course, the REST OF THE WORLD knows that algebra is just a small part of math. You know, like trig or geometry or calculus. Heaven forbid.

Basically, I took algebra to prepare me for geometry; geometry to prepare for algebra and trigonometry (honestly, I never understood the logic there either); and apparently that second round was supposed to prepare me for college algebra. But not 30 years later.

So, o hallowed halls of higher learning, why do I have to take this now? Isn’t using “because you have to” a little juvenile? I’m old, I’m rather successfully living my life without algebra, and really, the best reason of all:

Do you really want to be responsible for raising my blood pressure any higher than it’s already been the last few years?

Think about it: scads of “older students” going back to college; what, really are the statistics for those who stroke out over math? Believe it or not, my doctor once diagnosed me with math phobia – does that count? Do I need a note?

Humph. Probably. After all, even teenage students who expect colleges to treat them like adults are often sorely disappointed.

Does anyone still participate in sit-ins? I think we need a protest – NO MORE ALGEBRA!