Let’s try this again. My first let’s-start-off-the-holidays post kinda sorta got derailed. Disclaimer: if you want holly jolly happy crap, you may as well stop reading here.

Guess I’m old enough to remember those Norman Rockwell holidays—thanks a lot, Norman. Jerk.

We all went to my great-grandparents’ house; after a few years, it fell to my grandparents to host, then my mother, and then me. For several years, we had five generations at the Thanksgiving table.

What the hell happened since then?

I have a list. Of course I do. And, in no particular order:

 

The world has gone to hell.

Sunday (and holiday) Blue Laws rescinded.

Kids move away.

Big box stores are greedy and grasping.

People are encouraged to do whatever they “feel” like.

 

Everyone knows the first one is true, regardless of why you think so. Let’s not waste time arguing over that one. I could make a sub-list, but why bother? I’m currently trying to downsize my Thanksgiving cooking to something suitable for only two people.

Blue Laws. Nothing sold on Sunday, businesses closed, people stayed home or went to Grandma’s or wherever. In other words, folks had to plan ahead and nearly everyone was off work on the holidays.

The fact that kids move away is not something you can do a lot about, but back in the day, particularly in the STL area, kids came home for the holidays. Period.

Greedy corporations—need I say more? Refer back to Blue Laws.

Feeeeeeeelings. All the feeeeeeelings. Ugh. And blech. Newsflash: you are not the only person whose feelings matter; you do not get to make every decision based on your own feelings. Is it a pain in the ass to travel over the holidays? Too bad. Is it a pain in the ass to go see multiple relatives over the holidays? Too freakin’ bad. Suck it up, buttercup. Do it. You can complain, but you can’t wuss out.

Have to work on a holiday or the day before or after? You might get a pass, providing you haven’t been at the job very long, but if you’ve been there a year, you’ve had plenty of time to figure this out. And if you have a few days or the week off? You better get your butt to your mom’s house.

And for Pete’s sake, don’t announce that YOU are hosting unless that torch has been passed, or suggest that your mom or grandma hold another event that week for YOUR convenience. And I don’t really give a damn how you feel about that—you’re hurting Norman’s feelings at the very least. Jerk.

Oh yeah—also don’t suggest that Mom have the big holiday dinner on a different day. What kind of heathen does that?? What is she supposed to do then, on the day itself? Sit around singing Christmas songs to herself?

So, happy holiday season, everyone. Where’s the damn bourbon??